The grass is green, greener, greenest

There’s been quite a few articles focused on Foxconn lately, specifically the bad press about their supposed ’sweatshop’ factories in China, where iPhones and other peripherals are assembled.

You’ve probably read about it already, yeah? 10 employees committed suicide. Because it’s just soooo bad.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/22/technology/22suicide.html
http://www.engadget.com/2010/05/21/editorial-thoughts-on-foxconn/
http://micgadget.com/4130/breaking-11th-jump-takes-place-after-foxconns-ceo-respond/
http://micgadget.com/4113/foxconns-ceo-responds-on-the-suicide-tragedy/
http://www.engadget.com/2010/05/25/foxconn-ceo-we-are-definitely-not-a-sweatshop/
http://www.news.com.au/technology/workers-at-foxconn-suicide-factory-offered-66-per-cent-pay-rise/story-e6frfro0-1225876528092

Ok i’ll validate my sarcasm now… read this one.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/15/opinion/15kristof.html

I’m not saying that getting paid a couple hundred dollars for working 18 hour days in a factory is good, but i’d sure as hell prefer a job like that than one where i’m scrounging rubbish dumps for crap.. or getting kidnapped in China and made to work in Brick Kilns for nothing..

Perspective.

09.Jun.10 Gloom Comments (0) 

It’s that time again

I always hate this time of year. But at least my holiday is almost here..

11.Feb.09 Gloom Comments (0) 

5 wasn’t my lucky number. Let’s try 6.

Recently, another chapter in my life finally drew to a close – Louis finally moved out.

In a few posts he’s blogged about in the past few months, I seem to have been painted as the bad guy – simply because I was the one who broke up with him. Not so much in words, but the overall tone/context says as much.

I’ll also add a disclaimer right here – Of course i’m not perfect. But this isn’t about me.

I made a few thinly veiled references to our slow demise, but here it is. We broke up back in July, and even that was delayed – i’d pretty much made up my mind in January, but was hoping upon hope that something would happen and everything would fix itself – which of course didn’t happen. I’d tried talking to him a few times too, but unsurprisingly, it fell on deaf ears.

Even in February, when we were in Malaysia, Clayton noticed things weren’t right.

From about a week after Louis moved in with me, I started getting surprises. Unpleasant little surprises at how he’d just start expecting and assuming things, or eating, using and wearing things. As time went on, these liberties only increased. I KNOW when you’re in a relationship with someone that you share a lot of things, but this wasn’t simply a case of that. This was beyond anything i’ve experienced with any of my previous partners. You’re probably thinking i’m getting petty, and you might be right if it was just me thinking these things. But other people actually commented to me as well.

I’m not rich, and definitely no sugar daddy (not old enough for a start!). Nor did I have any intention of being in that kind of situation. When he moved in, we agreed on a figure of $300 a month, plus a share of the bills & groceries. A couple of weeks later when his whole family crashed at our my place for his graduation, he agreed to them stopping his living allowance. He’d get a job to support himself, and pay his bills.

That never happened. He made some loose change by buying and selling Playstation 3’s on eBay, but the amount of effort required vs the remuneration was just laughable. Not to mention every time a deal went bad, i’d have to issue a dispute on my credit card – those things take months to resolve. The point is, he never even made the effort to get a job and pay his way – though he’ll deny that, so i’ll rephrase. He never made a proper decent visible effort.

There were a few times where things he did left me seething, as well.

The first one I can recollect right now was how he needed to pay for two subjects he retook in the semester before his graduation. He couldn’t graduate unless they were paid for. The student loan he applied for was declined. And then there was some kind of expectation that i’d help him out ’short term’, which I begrudgingly did – with the understanding it would be paid back, pronto. I should have learnt my lesson there and then, because he didn’t follow that promise. The repayments were on dribble feed, and moneys accumulated went up more than down.

The second was when we were at a (campy gay) friend’s apartment one night, and the housemate of another friend was there as well. I was chatting to him. He’s straight, and I mentioned something about Louis being my partner. Louis heard from across the room, and felt the need to come over and interrupt, ‘clarifying’ that he’s not gay, he’s bi-sexual. I was dumbfounded, and I could see the guy suddenly felt very awkward. He didn’t know what to say. It’s not that he cared one way or the other, he just didn’t realise we were together. So what the fuck?

The third time was where we went to some house party in Southbank, and he introduced me as his ‘friend’. Not boyfriend. Fair enough if it was some straight party, but this was to the very gay host at a gay party. Ashamed? Keeping options open?

The fourth was where I turned up to his surprise birthday party recently (post break up, pre moving out), only I was the one surprised. He was wearing my new jacket, as well as one of my long sleeve tees. Did he ask to wear them? No, because I wasn’t around. That makes it yes by default, no?

He also commented once how cute a gay couple were because they were holding hands in public. Then he said not for me to expect us to ever do that though, because he’s ’straight acting’. Don’t mention it then, rather than rub my nose in it, hmm?

I waited until Louis finished his studies in June – just incase he went off the rails – so I wouldn’t get blamed for him failing his Masters. Inbetween when our relationship reached such a low point that I accepted it wasn’t working in Jan, and actually telling him in July, I stopped caring about many things. I think maybe it was a coping mechanism of sorts, or maybe my subconscious refused to waste any more thought power deliberating on something it’d already decided. After all, emotions are rather draining.

That and also during June, we met another friend. Unless Louis has deleted the posts, you can read all about how Kin evidently drove the final wedge between us. In reality, it was a last ditch effort on my part for us to get out more and socialise with other people with similar interests, as interacting with most of my existing friends didn’t interest Louis in the slightest.

Kin is very outgoing, smiley, talkative, and quick-minded. I thought this might bring Louis out of his shell a bit. (Strangely enough it has, post break-up.) As we met up with Kin quite often over the next month, Louis ended up being more of a spectator on the sidelines. The interaction was mainly between Kin and myself.

It was plain to see – Louis and I had nothing in common anymore. Besides watching a few shows on TV and deciding what to have for dinner, there was very little interaction. E.g., stone cold silence for half an hour whilst driving back home from Box Hill. ‘Comfortable’ silence, my ass.

Besides noticing that meeting up with Kin wasn’t bringing us together, I noticed i’d started developing feelings for him. What was not to like? He was everything that Louis was missing, and more. Most importantly, he wasn’t afraid to be himself. Maybe Lady Luck was handing me an ace card.

I told Kin I was breaking up with Louis, and asked if he’d be interested in getting to know me better – no timeline. Not perfect timing but fair question I thought – from one straightforward person to another.

We seemed to enjoy eachother’s company, and I also sensed there was interest beyond just being friends; but he declined, saying that as he’d met Louis and I as a couple, he’d always see us that way. It’s times like those where you wish you could read minds, to figure out what someone’s really thinking. Even to a best friend, what they think and what they say can be totally different.

I actually wonder that if I had broken up with Louis before I met Kin, if things would have worked out differently between us. But i’ll never know, because it didn’t happen that way. And now, even though Kin says we’re still friends, it’s obviously a bullshit line. I asked him out, he felt weird about it, and now he’s best friends with Louis. Never calls. Never messages. Never replies. Just call a spade a spade, eh? We were passing acquaintances.

It was weird… the day Louis moved everything out.. once all his stuff was gone, I actually felt sad. Up until that point, nothing. But then.. sad. For a minute.

Louis and I _might_ be friends again at some stage in the future, but there’s gonna have to be some lag time inbetween. Too much water under the bridge, and all that. And if we meet for dinner, we will be going dutch on the bill. Or maybe he can just pay the lot. For once.

—————-

Some of the things i’ve described will obviously be how I perceive and feel about things. He’ll see things totally differently. The objective truth is probably a bit of both, or somewhere inbetween.

Currently Playing: Placebo – Blind

13.Nov.08 Gloom, Home Comment (1) 

Wish upon a star

Be careful what you wish for.. it might come true.

12.Oct.08 Gloom, Random Comments (0) 

Uncertainty

Have you ever woken up one day and wondered how you ended up where you are? No, i’m not talking about a night on the piss and waking up on a park bench, i’m talking about relationships.

You open your eyes and look over at the person beside you, and feel doubt. Doubt you’ve never felt before, or maybe just the doubt that has been simmering under the surface for too long, but you refused to acknowledge.

Then comes the hardest part – doing something about it. Waiting for the right moment to communicate those feelings and doubts, where you foolishly hope the words will hurt just a little bit less.

Then comes the guilt, the tears, the uncertainty. More doubting. Doubting the doubt you had in the first place. Doubting yourself. Doubting everything.

Then silence. Awkward silence. Second guessing movements, gestures, things you used to do subconsiously. More uncertainty. Limbo.

Chatter. Just to break the silence. Anything will do, but what?

Thoughts. So many thoughts. And for each thought, so many more questions. And for each question, so many more answers. How to find the right answer? I don’t know. Time? Maybe.

If there is such a thing as Fate where our destiny is already marked, ‘they’ could at least give us some fucking signs. Until then, i’ll just have to stumble my way along as best I can…

17.Jul.08 Gloom, Strange Comments (3) 

…

Placebo’s Meds is not a good album to be listening to right now… and yet…

16.Jul.08 Gloom, Random Comments (0) 

Resistance is futile..

I’ve never really followed star signs, they always seem so far off the mark. Today is no exception. It says:

Aquarius:
Feel free to enlist your own creativity today to solve any problem that may come your way, dear Aquarius. Do not feel like you absolutely need to take a rational and methodical approach. This sort of frame of mind has already been tried. It is now time to explore a more intuitive method of completing any task that you wish to tackle at this time. Exercise more of your sensitive nature.

… when really, it should say:

Aquarius:
Many problems will come your way today, dear Aquarius. Do not feel like the world is against you, that would just be paranoia. It’s merely your turn to get screwed over, so touch your toes and take it like a man. Or if you prefer, just don’t get out of bed today, it’s really not going to be worth it.

Now that’s accuracy in a star sign i’d pay to have.

I woke up a bit late, so motored around and got ready for work. I even remembered to pack my lunch from last night’s leftovers. Yum.

A brisk walk to the train station, and then a 15 minute wait for the train which decided to be late.
Can you say, ’sardine tin’?

Got to work. Aircon was blowing like anything, so sent off an email.. something along the lines of ‘Please advise if you can fix the Aircon flow within the hour, otherwise i’m going home and not coming back until you fix it for good‘… Yessiree, I certainly enjoy wearing a ski parker and scarf whilst sitting at my desk.

About 30 minutes later some aircon guy with a ladder appeared. It’s amazing how quickly things get done when you CC your boss, the building manager, and the CEO.

Now with the aircon wound back from ‘baby peas snap freeze’ to ‘cold draft’ mode, I continued working.

Lunchtime comes around, and I head off to nuke my Pork Stirfry. Heat, stir, heat again. Beep, it’s done. Push the open button, someone’s had greasy hands and haven’t wiped it properly. Bleh. I’ll just give it another stir…. PLOP. Steam came out and combined with the slipperyness, I dropped the whole thing. On the floor.. and myself. Cleaned all that up, threw it all in the bin. Marched downstairs, over the road to the food court.

Asked for a small takeaway, and the guy asked me if I wanted rice or noodle. Then he turned around to get a container while I was replying. Then he turned back and asked me again. Sigh.

So yeah, i’m writing this right now whilst eating my dodgy takeaway as some kind of zen exercise so I don’t go postal or something. I think it’s working. Maybe.

All this on top of all the shit that’s been falling apart lately… maybe i’ll just cancel the whole holiday and crawl under a rock for a couple of weeks?

21.Jan.08 Bitching, Gloom Comment (1) 

R.I.P., Joe

I was at a funeral today. It was a very emotionally draining experience, and I am certainly not looking forward to the next one, no matter who it is.

A close friend i’d known since grade 5 in primary school passed away last Friday.
His sister rang me on Saturday to tell me the bad news, which was a bit of a downer on my first Mardi-Gras experience. Lucky I had sunglasses on, so people couldn’t see me getting teary.

Joe had Cystic Fibrosis. If you don’t know what that is, Wikipedia has lots of info about it Here. Basically it’s a disease that fucks up the lungs and pancreas, without which, he body doesn’t exactly work.

The average lifespan of someone with CF is 30 yr old – Joe made it to 27.

I’ll miss him.

07.Mar.07 Gloom Comments (3) 

Suicide

It took ages to get home tonight, there was some disruption with the train service, and they were making everyone use replacement buses after the train terminated at Footscray.

I assumed a train had broken down (again) due to the unseasonably warm weather (36!) we were having today. But no.

When the bus went past the scene of the accident, all I saw was a mangled mess of metal being loaded onto the back of a truck.

To get an idea, buy a can of coke. Drink the coke. Put a red grape inside the coke can. Sit it on the ground, and squash it with your foot. Ok, now you’ve got the picture.

Driver dies after colliding with train
October 12, 2006 08:10pm (Courtesy of news.com.au)

A 42-year-old man has died after his car collided with a train in West Footscray in Melbourne’s west.

The man was driving in a service lane between a railway yard and Sunshine Road when his car collided with the passenger train about 4.15pm (AEST) today, police said.

There were about 300 passengers on the train, but none were injured. They were ferried to their destinations with buses and taxis.

Police are investigating the incident and will prepare a report for the coroner.

For the record, there is no service lane. There’s the main road and a gravel track crossing that railway workers (only) use to get to the Tottenham Railyard, where they work.

Lets rewrite that article, shall we?

Driver suicides by colliding with train
October 12, 2006 08:10pm

A 42-year-old man has died after his car was rammed by a train in West Footscray, in Melbourne’s west.

The man had driven onto the train tracks near the Tottenham Railway Yard on Sunshine Road, and his car was then struck by the passenger train about 4.15pm (AEST) today, police said.

There were about 300 passengers on the train, but none were injured. They were ferried to their destinations with buses and taxis.

The train driver is undergoing trauma counselling.

Police are investigating the incident and will prepare a report for the coroner.

Incase you haven’t guessed, I have no sympathy for this moron. Firstly, anyone who kills themselves is gutless pussy. It takes way more guts to ride out the troughs of life than to give in and top yourself. Secondly, inconveniencing that many people in the process, what a selfish cunt-act. If you’re really going to be that stupid, go jump off a bridge in the middle of nowhere, nobody gives a rats ass.

12.Oct.06 Bitching, Gloom Comments (4) 

Back to earth with a thud

Mum rang this morning.

My aunt works for a luxury coach tour operator, as she has done for the last 25 or so years.

The driver, or ‘coach captain’, she paired with for the majority of that time is a guy named Val.

When I was 11, I went on one of these tours with them up to Alice Springs, Ayer’s Rock, and a whole list of fascinating places all the way back down to Adelaide. Val had great stories to tell, and there was never a dull moment due to his mischief.

He’s also a very active guy, and when he’s not working he’s somewhere around the outback – 4 wheel driving and camping through various deserts. He knows and is known by many of the locals in various places.

 

Mum told me Val was diagnosed with a large inoperable brain tumor a few days ago, and doctors predict he has less than a month to live.

 

Val is the last person I thought would have something like this happen to him. He’s fit and strong and is always busy doing something. Sometimes life just isn’t fair. I feel really sad for his wife, and their family.

I don’t want to be reminded that the people close to me are vulnerable and won’t be there forever.

04.Sep.06 Gloom Comment (1)